The Light of Eternal Agape 東京アンテオケ教会

Hospitalization of my husband-In fear and uneasiness

 My husband was walking before me and two male nurses were holding his arms from both sides.  Sometimes uneasily he turned back to see me.

 I cried to my husband in my heart “I am sorry.  There is no other way.  I tried everything I can think of.”  Then I heard “You can only be up to this.” 

 I stopped at the door of the secure ward as the door closed with a merciless creaking sound.  I could not move away from there because I had fear and uneasy feelings that I would never be able to get him back.  My husband’s supervisors said “Ma’am, please go home.” So I left there.  

 I could not forget my husband stared at me with uneasiness until the last moment and my heart was heavy in pain.  I could not hear the supervisors comforting words.  My eleven month old son was my only comfort and he supported me.  When I got in the house I burst out in tears with loud crying.

 It was the darkest time of my life.  While I was crying I was thinking about how to die…  I cried for one hour or so and then I calmed down a little, then my son said “Aah-chan.”  That was the only word he could speak then.  He did not cry but looked at me with concerned eyes.  I looked at him and I thought, how can I die.  I cannot take him with me to die!

 Dear God, give me power to live

 I believed Jesus as my God and was saved when I was 23 years old.  I was not a seminary student but I worked at my church as a server.  I had left my former church; the reason was about receiving the Holy Spirit.  It had been seven years since then.  Actually it was not the first time for me to think about committing suicide.  I had been thinking to die quickly because I had lost the hope to live without going to a church. 

 My thought did not go away even after I was married.  I questioned my husband and he was perplexed about being questioned “why do we live?” or “let us die together.”  He was not a Christian then and his answers were “since we were born we need to live” or “as we live we can find something good some day.”   I had no complaint with my husband; he was a peaceful person and kind and I had joy taking care of our new born baby, but the vain feelings assaulted me. 

 One day, when the suicidal feeling filled me, I thought I did not know if I could live.  So then I needed to ask God for my son and prayed.  Dear God, please save my son and raise my son in a church.  While I was praying eagerly, my heart was changed and I realized my son needs me as a mother.  Please let me raise him until he becomes 20 years old.  I prayed “give me power to live” Father God in the name of Jesus.  

It happened after one month, my husband was on a night shift, he became ill before his co-workers eyes and he was taken to a mental hospital.  He had two hospitalizations when he was young for a neurosis.  Because of that he had fear of becoming ill again and when he was working night shifts, he was not able to sleep and it actually caused him to become ill again.  It might not have been so serious a stage but it was a big rocky mountain which I could overcome then. 

Going back to God again

I really lost the hope to live, but though, I understood I needed to live for my son, then, Jesus showed me the Scripture.  Luke chapter 15: verse 11 through 24         

Just like the prodigal son repented and went back to his father in the Scripture, I too repented for and went back to Father God in heaven and Jesus.  “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.  I am no longer worthy to be called your son.”  Luke 15: 21.  I remembered my past and I acknowledged each sin and repented for each one before God.  The sun was setting and it became dark when I finished repentance but contrary to it my heart was blight and light.  I never forgot the joy I received from going back to Jesus.

When I was given permission to visit my husband, the first thing I did was take a Bible to him.  He received it with gladness and he said I will read it.  I was able to tell from the conversation that he was not so stable yet, but I had no fear any more in my heart.   

I swore to myself that even if my husband could not be discharged from the hospital, I would stay married with him.  Jesus is in my life.  Jesus said I am His bride (for the church is His bride and each Christian is His bride also.)  I had no fear any more.

Even all that, I hesitated to attend a church.  Would a church accept me?   Wouldn’t they say I might cause them to be confused again?

“Why don’t you go to a church for me?”

One day, Jesus pushed me to go to a church through a word from my husband.  When I visited my husband, he told me “recently, I read the Bible and I also pray”.  I asked him what are you praying  about?”  He said that I am praying to be discharged soon and to go to a church someday.  He told me “I want to go to a church but I am not able to, so why don’t you go instead of me and worship God.  I was so glad to hear it, I felt like jumping in the air.  I found a church closest to the hospital.

The pastor was listening to my story with compassion and he expressed his feeling.  “God really accepted you just like the father accepted his prodigal son.”  I did not tell him that I repented from the prodigal son story, so I felt the Lord is leading me through the pastor’s word. 

I started to attend the church and I volunteered making snacks because they had a nursery school there.  It took me one and a half hours to get there using two trains one way but it was a happy time.  The volunteer work was preparation for me to become a teacher’s aide in April 1984.

My husband’s discharge and his salvation

Two months after he was hospitalized he was able to go out, and he came to the nursery school with me where I was helping to make snacks.  The church people welcomed my husband also.  Three months after the hospitalization, he was able to come home periodically.  Every time when he came home I was asked to report how he was at home to the doctor.  At first, I did not know what I needed to write so I wrote what he could not do at home, but I thought I should write after I pray. 

I asked to the Lord about what I should write, then He told me not to write about what he could do before and could not do at the present, rather I should write about what he can do now and what he was good at on the day he came home.

When I did that, his stay at home was three days instead one day and four days, then he was discharged.  He could be absent for four months from work but if it was longer than four months; he would be fired.  Even though I did not know about it, I believe that the Lord gave me wisdom and He led me to help my husband so that my husband’s hospitalization would never be over four months.   

The first Sunday after his discharge he worshiped God and after attending the church for a month he believed in Jesus as his God and savior and was saved.  He was baptized after a year.

Give my husband to serve You

My husband was taking a tranquilizer and a sleeping pill so those medications caused him to sleep at the services.  There are many positions to be filled at the church.  My husband wanted to help but he smoked, drank and was on medication so he was not given a chance to serve.

In those days the Lord challenged me with the Scriptures  “For nothing will be impossible with God” Luke 1: 37, “God is able from these stones to raise up children to Abraham.”Matthew 1:9b.  Since then I started to pray for my husband every day.  “Give my husband something to serve You, he is much better than a stone.” 

He cannot be compared with anything else; Jesus died for my husband’s sin and He resurrected after three days.  He is precious in God’s eyes.  Please give him something to serve You.

As for me, I started to pray seriously for studying at a seminary school.  It took a few years to find a suitable school.  My husband also did not have a chance to do anything for the church and he could not quit drinking, smoking and taking medication. 

Led to a seminary school

There was a mother who was a member of the Lord’s Cross Christian Center at the kindergarten where my son was attending.  She invited me to come to a charismatic meeting.  “Would you like to come to the coming meeting, to which Pastor A is coming?”  

I knew Pastor A’s name because my pastor told me about him.  My pastor suggested me to read his book.  He also said that if God tells you to switch churches you should go to his church. 

We never thought we would switch churches.  My son was already in elementary school then and he liked it very much. We got to the church early in the morning and stayed until the evening meal, even after that he did not want go home.  I too was busy with work at the church and weeks went by very quickly.  I was very happy serving there but my husband had nothing to do there and so after the worship and following lunch he left.  

There was no proper authority in our home then.  God had mercy on me and He led me to attend the second charismatic meeting and I learned that their seminary school had started a half year ago.    

Ah, God is leading me to this seminary school.  I began to have a strong wish to study at this seminary school.  The way they taught and what they taught were just like I had been wishing.  I asked my husband and my pastor for permission and then entered the seminary school.

Switching the churches

I became very busy as a housewife and a student and also it was fulfilling.  After six months since I started to study, the Lord started to tell me something while praying and reading the Bible.  That was “switch your church.”  I pushed the thought and kept it in a corner of my mind because I thought I caught the wrong idea or it’s an illusion.  If though, it is from God I wanted to obey. 

So then, I fasted one week and sought for His will and asked.  He answered me “Leave…and go to the land I will show you.”  Genesis 12: 1.  So then I asked to Pastor N at The Lord’s Cross Christian Center’s seminary school, and he questioned me “what did your husband say about it?”  I was not expecting a question just that he would accept me.  He said “you need permission from your husband and your pastor.”  I prayed and I asked my husband and he said we switch the church to TLCCC Fukuoka Church. 

The former church pastor and the whole church sent us off with warm hearts. 

Going to Israel as a family

God told me to go to Israel while I was doing morning devotion time in April 1994; I was taking the Overseas Mission class then.  He told me three of us to take part in the mission trip.  When I told my husband; he said let us pray about it.  The next morning, three of us started to have an early-morning-prayer time together.  We seriously prayed for going to Israel.  It was thought to be almost impossible to have a permission to have vacation from his work but he got it and we were in Israel.

When I was praying at the Church of Peter’s calling near Galilee, the Lord said, “Come, follow me…I will make you fishers of men.”  Matthew 4: 19.  I understood a certain thing, that is my husband is the head of my family.  My son and I simply should follow my husband.  It was the first time I was told neither from God nor man.  When someone called my name, Minami, they meant calling me not my husband.  But now, the Lord had spoken clearly. 

In spite of myself I asked to the Lord, “How can I do that?”  The Lord answered me with the Scripture.  “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit.”  Zechariah 4: 6. 

When we came home from Israel my husband started to attend the seminary school.  Not only that, it was very difficult for him to quit medication, drinking and smoking but with help from the Lord; he was able to quit. 

It has been 13 years since then, my husband is a pastor now.  There is nothing impossible for God.  I give thanks to the Lord.

Anna Minami

From the monthly Magazine the Rainbow Between the Clouds February 2008 issue.

“…but your grief will turn to joy.”  John 16: 20

“And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his Love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”  Romans 5: 5

Met my husband, marriage

My family printing company, my father particularly strict discipline, speaking of eating, not eating for five minutes not allowed, that too could live without freedom. The eldest son of my mother’s family killed, but then I say die, at the urgent request of his father, now and going to school right after high school barber. Her most rebellious student at the school, and my next encounter started like this.

Meet again four years later graduated, now proposed to go with assertive wife. Night before the wedding, my father, “but came back to defeat poverty, to enter the house. Go prepared. If unreasonable, come back, even ten children. Always read the newspaper. Tangles and household Do not. “This was a promise to his father.

Day ceremony, and broke, I returned to my home. Then came a car chase with his father, father-in-law “To go with my daughter. And. Father said,” I have not got a wife. I thought my daughter more, take care and relieve back please. “the words while listening in the back, looking at his face, was because a lot of tears.

Later, I heard from my sister that night, my father and mother, I felt the pain of my future, I cried. Now, a little taste of tears is a cause I know, I did not know the deceased is young. New life begins, what this freedom, this world and if there was a lot of happiness.

I was a river between the two lean

But eventually common sense comes from the difference between different environments, unbelievable, incomprehensible things happen continuously, making it difficult to accept. I love my family and husband Ralph, gambling “life” in secondary family was following three people.

Eventually became a major river between the two, and I Watarenai River. March from home, four times a courier – clothes, clothes, food. Also, I did Mairi’s family holiday with the children. To me, the husband is looked bitterly. Meanwhile, the woman found that her husband there. Battle between houses, the Cold War and became a guerrilla war involving children.

Daughter began to help families

In particular, parents fighting with her look-alike daughter, a double-edged sword that hit home most of the other, even those who say, you can say things that will hurt each other, her daughter was still in college , and sought salvation in Jesus. And, second daughter, and I believe in Jesus, I began to be saved. Later, to her husband and daughter, he decided that God is their role.
I was sent the tape came from her church, at first I was forced many times I listened to always seek the thirst of water. One day, while sleeping and heard from the tape “Please do not ask you while you sleep!” Is said, know why? I can sit there and fixed.
I’ll let it become husband and wife and daughter accompanied the U.S. team, including the second prayer, I did not know at that time I pray I can still read the Bible. I heard what the pastor and leaders still want to participate. They did things and please be quiet so as not to disturb you. Church on the way, the culture shock and great praise to a beautiful lady in the movie comes out. Sermons Rev. Jack Hayford, of course I did not know English. I come out to hear why they cry. I heard you say what you’re pastor leader. “It is Satan’s work in destroying families.” At that time, I knew it clearly came to hear this. It contains the seeds of the Word of God to me at that time.
Specifically persecution started then her husband, in front of her husband was not allowed to listen to the tape absolute worship. Listen to the word of God, become deprived of oxygen and obtaining comfort of God, I began running away from home. Child is at University of Tokyo, if you go to Kumamoto, Kumamoto, and in its place of worship, holy meeting, and participation in missions abroad, I was into God’s ready, his back is in need each other The minutes were allowed at a time when extra bite.
 

Husband’s illness and salvation

Such arrowhead, at the young age of 84 my husband joined the news of a rupture of esophageal varices. From the doctor, “The survival rate of 30%, there are many other varicose veins. Please be prepared.” Failed. Treatment room in front of me, entered the prayer of repentance. God, once again, please let a couple of the original. Please divide and prayed to the heavens and the earth as it is. Midnight, a gust blows a great hospital, and the God who came, it was clear. Then a little bloody, I began to stop bleeding.
Ill get back in, put her hand on the daughter, when entering the attitude of prayer, because it was the best I hate my husband, I said, “Stop!” I say, my husband, “hands Their reasons will continue with us and place “and I ask her. After that, I know where the husband is to accept Jesus prayer, the prayer every day thing, I went through and changed her.
And her husband, the mountain of Vietnam Naruto hakama, build a big church, stands a gleaming cross on the mountain now and speak with many people sign. Also, one night, “there are demons. Call me up.” He, along with his daughter, cut off the relationship with the evil past, which showed the nature of the enemy, and that repentance with every single girl I was tense and learning practices.
Also, sometimes, the husband, “night, but God tells us many things. When you do not know, to this number when this number and told me to hurry,” it said. “The other question,” I answered, “No” and answered.

The work of God’s healing

A month passed, and major surgery. Esophagus, stomach, and pancreas removed. Two daughters, seeking the healing of his father, traveled to Korea to fasting prayers. Two daughters around the smaller one, brought back the words of God’s healing, but surgery was not asked, I still did not have faith in my husband too. The husband calmly, “let the surgery,” is said, believe in God, I waited.
Eve of surgery and was forced to dispose of me and all the idols from her house. I said, “Well,” in my head, certainly in this divorce? I thought. However, this surgery is a great surgery, it will be better for patients with surgery is not. But I certainly do not die. Let’s do it! Altar, of course, many people received from the ornament, the things that her husband’s care, which seems to have destroyed idols and all. It is now clear before God I think it was a big thing.
Surgery seven-eight hours, began with plans expected to end at around seven. I pray in the waiting room was like an endless walking around in my head Zutto praise. Around 4:30, “Sakai” is called, I thought it was enough blood for Oh, doctor, “I was over! Beautiful liver and spleen took just. It is early. Yet What time is it? “and was asked to nurse.

It was clearly demonstrated healing of God.
Later, during the surgery her husband, was riding his crane. Over, “Sakai” When called, he said, and went to bed Sutsu operating room, the girls, “That’s the mark of the coins cranes in South Korea” I said. Hospital and eventually it came back with a testimony of the children doing in the church. On that day, in front of the house took a double big rainbow.
Conflict again

Peaceful and quiet moments passed, and regain health, we are drawn to is the original sin. “He just received that miracle of God, why?” He said, “That cured the doctor,” and sad to say, without the location of body, I try to leave enough so the spring attributed to the strong and stubborn man in Japan, it was a fierce battle for pride strong woman in western Japan.
Meanwhile, from her “home and off the edge,” is said, because somewhere I knew myself, I completely cut. Is unilateral, the Bible, “So, rather than two people are no longer a woman. For this reason, one ahead of what God must be tied together.” (Gospel of Mark chapter 10 verse 7 ) and you.
It told me that God is “love. Love.” That’s all. “God, I loved what I want.” Shouting continued. Finally the choice I did not break with her husband.

One family was

At that time, God is a cancer of her husband’s card was presented to us that the life policy. At that time, hatred and war looks ever smaller, without a trace, had disappeared. Weight alternative to life, the world is not. Whether the notice from the doctor, and that decision over there, please. I decided to listen together. Because survival was said to be two years or three years. There is still time. The right to know, it is also right to choose. Also, It was also decided that it is good that people choose to live. The result is that her husband broke up.
From the two words that do not need, and comrades with cancer, I became a warrior. People around, but what you say Some people still care, and one family, entered the battle with cancer.

God’s help

Cancer becomes too late, and surgery into the femoral artery from the liver into a tube every two weeks for the anti-cancer drugs. When her husband was not the only way left to put the thigh. Angiography as photos, I was too hard condition, doctors said, “fifty-fifty. We’ll just have to do” and is a decision. And praying in front of the operating room, which is guiding his mouth up and down the wire and a white dove. Then, because clean water is flowing, to God, “What is this” I have been answered to damage blood vessels and ask. Attended and want to open the door, “his wife, I Ikemashita!” Was called.

Triumph in the sky

One morning, “There are nice things for you. Aired the story of the martyrdom of a woman of Amami Oshima. If a minister like that, I want.’s A beautiful place the sea. I’ll take you next time!” Shima promise was. Also, is summoned before a few hours, asked for pen and paper are passed, and to read the daily late calligraphers, as it had become. When dying, the couple rushed her from Kumamoto, is honored in the presence of the Lord in baptism. Then, the children each and every husband, “Dad was really good with kids. Thank you” with a speech of thanks, the family watched, and went quietly triumphant in heaven.
The children offer, and let the desire to be with his father and three days, three days were a family with her husband. In it, I gradually changed the face of day to day with her husband. It was the third day saw the face of great joy and surprise some. The nurse face and later I heard that you do change, and not understood the answer. But I think I saw something amazing Kingdom of Heaven.
“Sorry, Thanks to Yoko.”
People sharing a room in the hospital was unable to read last writing, “says Sakai, thank you from saying that, please check.” I said, I read it another look. There, “Sorry, Thanks to Yoko” I said. I could not stop crying. This is my message to her husband. I thought so from the heart and a couple other Aeta understand. That seven years after a major thing for extended life, the doctor said it was a miracle. This surgery is almost a year after the death. That’s the Lord.
And the couple moved to Tokyo from Kumamoto daughter went to help, and figure out what a pastor said what you want as a pastor that her husband and daughter flew to Amami. Arriving at the house looking for it when I find two people, you show the tape dubbing, right. There has been loved by his pastor of many people in easily with the land. TV footage starts from the front yard of the inn is how our stay, I was under the sea and said that I’ll take my husband.

God’s best

Our fight is not in never lost. I received many gifts from God. The Lord had blessed. The human eye, the couple may have been too bad shape, I live best. In the age of 65, even frustrated, I think there are many things at least once. Among them, I think it was so sincere and best. Serious fighting, clash, and a husband who could only own way.

Cut ties with family, mother, says she came to hear whether her sister is alive, at the end, you could move the car even more difficult to walk. I’ll take you home with you, take me, a mother and spent the day are still burning in my heart.

God is taught to love others kindly. It is unconditional love. By People Aisuru is being healed myself go. Seeking God, I began to appreciate being turned into a look up from the low faith by continuing to believe.
Now I have the intercession of her husband in heaven, are protected. Last year in Galilee, an illusion, her face has been shown to serve God in heaven. This is a one-sided by the grace of God. It is God’s gift.

Sacrifice to God, the soul crushed. Contrite heart was broken.
God. You are not despised it.
Psalm 51 verse 17 Hen

Olivia Sakai

»Monthly” rainbow in the clouds “(Publisher: rainbow in the clouds Publishing) Reprinted from Feb. 2009

But sadness turns to joy in you. (Gospel of John Chapter 16 verse 20)

This hope never end in disappointment. Because the Holy Spirit given to us, because they have poured into our hearts the love of God. (Section 05 Romans Chapter 05)

It was 1975.  I was very depressed.  You may be wondering why someone who is married to a famous astronaut and being blessed with two children suffers depression.  I was very unhappy however and thinking of committing suicide.  The reason was my dream did not come true.

You too have some kind of dreams in your lives, Charlie’s dream was becoming an astronaut and going to the moon.  He achieved his dream.  My dream in life was being a Cinderella. It all started really when I was a young girl.  I was going to find my Prince Charming and we were going to live happily ever after and he was going to fulfill all of my needs.  When Charlie asked to marry, I said “I’m going to put you first in my life.  Will you put me first in your life?”  He said that he would, and so I married him and we went on the honeymoon.  As soon as we got back from the honeymoon things began to get unglued.  Well, it was because I realized that I was not first in his life. Now he could focus on his career.

And he did.

I felt really left out.  I saw that the career was more important to him than I was.  And this disappointed me but I thought, “Well, I’ll get him to love me the way I want to be loved.”  So I began to court him again, over the next twelve years, really, to try to get him to love me the way I wanted to be loved, but his career and playing golf were more important to him than I was.  

I thought, “Well, now once he becomes an astronaut and he goes to the moon, then when he gets back- we’ll be able to work on our marriage and we’ll have the kind of marriage I want to have.”  So I looked forward to the flight being over and I was excited for him and I was really proud of him and tried to get involved with the flight as much as I could.   I went to Florida with our two sons to see the spaceship launch.    

And we went to Huston, we actually saw him walk on the moon through NASA’s control room.  I had no fear of the mission, I was confident he would go there safely and then get back. 

I was really looking for it to be over and he came back and I realized he hadn’t changed.  He still had this workaholic impulse, he still wanted other goals and other challenges, and I was still down the list.  And that was when I began to think of divorce.  And then I thought, well maybe I should get married with another man who loves me the way I want to be loved.  But then I thought, maybe there‘s not another man out there that really will love me the way I want to be loved.  Maybe there’s no such thing as this perfect marriage.  And so then I began to look to other things to find fulfillment in life.

Why am I here?  What would give me purpose and love in life?  I tried to find the answer for what I was looking for.  I tried a career and I got a job with a travel agency and traveled a great deal.  But this didn’t bring me love, not the love that I was looking for and the real purpose in life I was looking for.  I tried social work.  Head Start, a program in our county and a lot of working with needy in our county and many other things, but again, they didn’t bring me the love that I was looking for.

They weren’t the answer that I was looking for.  I read philosophy books but those books did not give me love and fulfillment.  And then I began to think, “Well then, maybe there is no purpose in life.  Maybe we just live and die and that’s all there is.  And life is so painful that I really don’t want to live any longer.”  And that’s when I began to think of suicide.  I’d lost all hope.

Well, we were attending church all this time, always had been.  I’d gone to university, and I’d studied religions and I’d thought all religions were essentially the same.  Jesus was no different from other religious leaders.  As the years went by, I began to wonder if God even existed.  I’d never had any experience with God and people were telling me that we invented God because of our own weaknesses and own needs, that God was dead.  So I began to believe that. Continued going to church.

Well, because we continued to go to church when our church had a what they called a “spiritual renewal weekend.”  It was back in 1975. 

What it was, there were some people that came as visitors to our church that weekend and they gave testimony, which is exactly what I’m doing now.  Their testimonies were about Jesus that He is different from other religious leaders, that He is the Son of God and how He answered prayers-very specific prayers of theirs. And how He was the answer to life.  And so I wondered if what they were telling was the truth. 

I looked at them and I did see love and joy in them.  I thought, “I have tried everything else to find fulfillment and purpose in life, and I haven’t tried this.”    And so I decided to try it, to try God-the way they were saying-and see if it’s really true.  And so I prayed that weekend and my prayer was, “God, I don’t know if you’re real.  Jesus, I don’t know if you’re the Son of God.  But I’ve made a mess of my life, and I don’t want to be in charge of it any more.  And I’ll give you my life if you’re real.  If you’re not real, then I want to die.”  Well, that was my prayer. 

I woke up the next morning with a commitment: I wasn’t going to look to anywhere else for fulfillment in life.  I was going to look to God, to Jesus.  And so I began to pray.  I wondered if I pray, is He really going to answer my prayer?  I prayed a very simple, specific prayer for help around the house and the prayer was answered.  And I thought, well that’s just lucky.  And I prayed again and another prayer was answered-that was just a coincidence.  Then I prayed again and another and another and another-well, after about a month or two of answered prayers, I realized this isn’t a coincidence.  That there is a God, and He’s hearing my prayers.  And not only is He hearing He’s answering my prayers!   

Jesus really IS the Son of God.    

Well, I just couldn’t believe it, I really couldn’t believe it.  But now I know Jesus really loves me and He’s hearing my prayers and deeply cares about me.   I was just overjoyed to find out that there’s a
God who loves me and I’m not alone anymore.  My husband doesn’t love me but God loves me.   God is more important than my husband.  I began to talk to God and I talked to Him about my marriage.  And one of the first things He spoke to me-and I’ve never heard His speaking audibly but He speaks to thoughts that He puts in my mind, that are confirmed in my heart.  And God began to speak to me and He said “Dottie, you’re born again. Everything that you have done wrong is in the past-all of your sins have all been forgiven and washed clean, and you’re starting life all over again brand new.”

Well, for someone who had been depressed and had not enjoyed life, to hear that I was having a chance to start life all over again brand new was wonderful.  Jesus showed His love for me on the cross by dying for me and He forgave all of my sins.  To have a new chance in life, He said “I have forgiven you, and now for you to have a born-again marriage, then you must forgive Charlie in the same way that I have forgiven you.”

Well, I said “no” to that.  I said “no way!”  I didn’t want to forgive him.

The Lord spoke to me again.  And He said, “Dottie, I thought you had made Me your Lord.  If you have made Me your Lord, it means that you do what “I” want you to do and not what YOU want to do.”  And I did remember a scripture in the Bible that said-that spoke about those people that say “Lord, Lord.” That don’t obey the Father in heaven.  

And so I knew that was true.  How could I now call Jesus my Lord and not obey Him?  I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. 

So I agreed to do that.  So I asked God to help me.  Well, He did.  It didn’t happen overnight, but over a two month period He worked in my heart and He removed unforgiveness and He healed all the hurt and all the pain.  I know there is nothing impossible for God and He became my psychiatrist.  God took away all that pain and all that hurt and really cleansed my heart and gave me a new heart toward my husband.  He taught me that and He worked through His Spirit within me so I could forgive Charlie. Jesus told me to love Charlie.  I said, “I had been loving

Charlie.  I had been loving him more than he had been loving me.”  But God was telling me to love him UNconditionlly, to love him 100%-whether he loved me back or not.  Again I prayed and asked God to help me because humanly we can’t love that way.  But God loves us that way, and He places His Spirit in our hearts which enable us to love that way.  

To love someone isn’t just emotion or feelings, but to do something for him and also bless him.  So, Jesus told me everyday what I should do for Charlie, and what I should do to bless him.  I’m not perfect so I made mistakes, but Jesus helped me and forgave my mistakes.  Jesus forgave me and He gave me a heart to love him. 

Some of you may have someone to forgive.  Jesus is calling you to forgive.  If you decide to forgive, God will help you.  Jesus died on the cross to forgive us.  In the Lord’s prayer, He taught us to forgive.  Forgiveness is very important for our relationship with Jesus. 

Jesus showed me my sin, bitterness in my heart toward Charlie.  As I said in my story, I had put him first in my life.  God should be first in your life.  What is your first in your life?  Whatever is first in your life rather than Jesus, it will someday fail you.  Charlie is not God, I had put an impossible burden on him to fulfill my needs and to please me, only Jesus can do that.  Jesus fulfills all your needs.  Seek love in Jesus.  Seek purpose in your life in Jesus.  The Lord truly has changed my dreadful life to a joyful one.  He can do the same for you too.

We don’t believe in chances.  God led you here and you’re listening to my message now is not by chance.  God brought you here because God loves you.  God wants you to know His love, peace, and joy.  As you already know, open you heart and pray.  Receive Jesus as your Lord and the Savior.  Jesus is the answer.  God bless you.

To those who read this testimony.  Pray as follows,

“Jesus, I believe and accept You as my Savior.  I turned my back to You, forgive my sins.  Now, come into my heart.  I thank you that by Your cross eternal life is given to me. Please, lead my life, Amen.”