The Light of Eternal Agape 東京アンテオケ教会

The Light of Eternal Agape 東京アンテオケ教会 header image 2

It was good for me to have experienced sufferings

To those who are suffering from depression @en

This post is also available in: Japanese Korean

Went to Tokyo with hurt feelings

I was born in Niigata prefecture and later, my family moved to Yokohama because my father was transferred there.  I had a happy childhood in Yokohama.  However, when I was a primary 4 student, my father quit the company and we moved to Mie prefecture, which is my father’s hometown.  In Mie, our family stayed with my father’s side grandparents. In that house, my mother and my grandparents were not in good terms with and I always felt something wrong going on.  I used to wish I would grow as fast as possible and leave the house.  When I was a high school student, I had friendship problem with classmates and there was a period that I could not go to school.  That made me wish more to go out of Mie as soon as possible.  I was wondering how and what for I should live.  My mind was very hurt.  That is why I sat for the entrance exam of University in Tokyo area and went to Tokyo, although my parents opposed me to do so.

Encountering with Jesus

  It was fun to go to University, but my hurt feelings had never been healed.  One day, I met one year senior in the same extracurricular activity, and we started to go out together.  That is my husband now.  He told me that he was a Christian and he went to church.  He also told me that Jesus had solved his problem.  Because of this, I started to think that this God might help healing my hurt feelings.

After a while, he invited me to the church worship service, and we continuously attended the services.  I was touched by praise and message in the church, and I was saved by accepting Jesus Christ as my savior.  I knew that Jesus was the one who would heal my hurt feelings. I was filled with great joy.

Which church should I belong to?

When we started to go to church, we sometimes went to my boyfriend’s Pentecostal church, and sometimes went to the Tokyo Antioch Church of the Lord’s Cross Christian Center. He was lead to the Lord’s Cross Christian Center to seek for clue to solve his problem, and it was solved.  But he tried to escape from the Lord’s Cross Christian Center, because he thought God would lead him to devote his life to God.  As for myself, I wished to stick to the Lord’s Cross Christian Center, because there were deep blessings from praise, apparent spiritual gifts works, and God’s living testimonies every time I attended the service of the Lord’s Cross Christian Center. 

  In this way, we had time of not connected to one church for a while, although we were both saved.  We felt that we cannot continue this neutral attitude and we prayed seriously to God asking which church we should belong to.  Then both of us was clearly spoken by God in the prayer that we should go to the Lord’s Cross Christian Center ‘Christ’s Park Church’ or ‘kirisuto no machi kyoukai’, which is now known as ‘Tokyo Antioch Church’ or ‘tokyo anteoke kyoukai’.  My husband seemed to have made his mind with God’s words and we both finally officially belong to the church.  In August 1996, I was able to be baptized by water in the church.

Devoted my life to God, and married

  After that, I had God’s words to me through words of wisdom given in the church service, which was ‘I will heal your hurt when you will pray, listen and obey the Lord.’  I belonged to the church, served for God, and when I prayed, listened and obeyed God for everything in my life, my hurt had been healed.  I was really happy to live and serve for God.  Then I and my husband were led to devotion of our life to God.

  In November 1999, when I participated in the Israel team sent by the church, God showed me to marry to my husband clearly, and we married in the next year.  We were filled with joy that we could serve God together.


When we got married, my husband wanted children soon.  However, I wanted to enjoy time with him without children.  I wanted to have children later when we would have some saving, because our life was financially quite tight at that time.  Then after a while, when I got serious about having children, I suddenly had to face a problem, which caused me a mental sickness.

  I was diagnosed with depression at the hospital.   And my medication started, at the same time I had been prayed in the church.  Because of the seriousness of the problem that happened and the disease which was allowed to me, I felt that it was impossible that God’s promise and calling come true.  I was also thinking that I could not have children any more.  Although I knew that there were many people who had overcome depression, I could not imagine that I could be one of them when I looked at my situation at that time.  I was in the middle of sorrow and great hopelessness.

Holding God’s words 

  It was when I was reading the Bible sadly after doctor diagnosed me with depression that I noticed one part of scripture in the Bible reading plan of the church, which was Matthew 2:20. It reads, ‘Get up, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel.’ (NIV) My husband and I are called by God for overseas mission, especially to Israel.  Therefore, this scripture made me think that God might be saying that we will be given child before we will be sent to the country.  I held this scripture tightly. 

  Soon after I received this scripture, I discussed with the doctor who was in charge of counseling about that I wished to have a child.  However, the doctor unexpectedly said, ’why don’t you adore your sister’s children?  It is troublesome to take care of small kids.  Besides, do you think you can bring up children?’

  I knew that he said this because he cared for me.  I also thought that his suggestion was wise.  At that time I was taking a lot of medicines and I felt stressful to do housework which I was not good at.  I could not do any housework at that time.  So it was almost impossible for me to bring up a child.  I was sad because this situation seemed to be telling me not to have any children.  I prayed God, ‘If you are speaking these words to me, I want to hold your words. God! Please let me hold your words!’

God’s promise we received in Israel

  In November 2005, I and my husband joined the Israel team sent out from our church, because we were spoken by God to do so.  God’s deep presence was there and we were blessed so much.  At the time of worship at a mountain called Mt. Arbel, where Jesus ordered Great commission towards His disciples, I felt strong presence of God.  I experienced the feeling that the Lord was really with me at that time.  After that, we had time to pray silently.  When I opened the Bible chapter which was according to the reading plan of the church, that was again Mathew 2:20.  I held the words tightly with confirmation that God was really speaking to me at that time because it was spoken in the middle of very strong presence of God. 

  In March 2006, we were spoken by God to join the team to go to U.S.A, and we took part in the team.  After we had worship and had deep presence of God in the middle of praising, we had a time of silence prayer.  I was reading the devotion scripture, praying God, ‘What are your promise words that you are giving me now?’  Then Scripture from Book of Romans 9:9, ‘for this was how the promise was stated: “At the appointed time I will return, and Sarah will have a son.”’ (NIV)  was given to me clearly.   This is the part that God spoke to Abraham and Sarah that at that time of the coming year they will be given a child.  Through this scripture, the thought that we might be given a child at the same time of next year was given to me.  I held these words tightly.

  It was not very soon that the situation changed. However, the condition of my sickness had been improved drastically at the end of that year.  My husband was also given words of God that a child will be given to us.  Then, the amount of medicine for my depression, which continuously was increasing for five years started to decrease. 

  I and my husband told my doctor that we wanted to have a child.  Then, the doctor encouraged us, saying, ‘Since the condition of your sickness has been improved very well, we will work together to the direction that you will have a child.’

God’s words are true God gave me a baby girl and healed me gradually

  It was around the beginning of New Year (1st of January is Japanese New Year), I felt unwell and planned to visit hospital.  On the morning of the day when I went to the hospital, I read the Bible chapter which was according to the reading plan of the church.  Then there was surprisingly the verse Roman 9:9 ‘At the appointed time I will return, and Sarah will have a son.’ The promise words were spoken again.  I went to the hospital, with a bit of expectation, and found out that I was given a child!

  In September 2007, I gave birth to my daughter safely.  She is growing very well.  Also, I now can do the housework which I once could not do.  I have been given a drastic healing and recovery that my husband is also surprised.  We are really filled with joy to be in our Lord now. 

 ‘It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.’’  Psalm 119:71 (NIV) 

  Disease and problems were allowed to us, but I could understand how true God’s deep love and God’s words are.  Although the promise of God’s calling to us has not yet been fulfilled, we believe it will be fulfilled at His time just like He fulfilled his words by giving us a child when it looked impossible.  

I return every glory to God.

Jerusalem Fujii Aya

(Reprinted from monthly magazine “Kumo No Aida Ni Aru Niji” (Publisher: Kumo No Aida Ni Aru Niji Shuppan) August 2009 issue)

God is Love.