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I was abandoned by my parents, raised in an institution, and had been bullied throughout my childhood. In order to escape from my husband’s violence, I ran to a female-parent dormitory. One day I received a CD of praises. As I listened to it, I found myself changing inside.
I Cried Alone Every Day
I spent my childhood in an institution. The bullying started after I entered an elementary school, because I had curly hair and didn’t have parents. I didn’t want to be born with curly hair; I didn’t want to be admitted to an institution, either.
I had a grudge against the mother who bore me and against the father who verbally abused me. I spent days being jealous of other children who had both parents. I really didn’t want to go to school. Whenever school events took place, other children had their parents come to school, but I had a teacher from the institution come instead. In the event of a sports day, I had to bring some cold rice balls which were made the day before. I continued to be scolded in the institution every day. I simply hated my existence.
On the way back from school, I wanted to kill myself. I thought of jumping onto the railroad tracks. However, I didn’t have the courage to do that, and just cried alone every day. Since my childhood I have been wondering why I was born into this world, and why my parents abandoned me. I didn’t have any happy memories, only painful ones. I got bullied even more in my junior high school days. I didn’t have any motivation to learn. I was made a fool of and treated like something dirty. As I recalled those memories, I had a pain in my heart and couldn’t stop crying. I had been bullied throughout my nine years of compulsory education.
Marriage, Child-Bearing and -Raising Alone
After I graduated from junior high school, I left the institution and set to work at the barbershop, which was determined by the institution. I, who didn’t know much about the world, got fed up with the people in the barbershop, and wanted to quit. The owner of the barbershop ridiculed me, so I decided to find a job I wanted, not trusting people. I worked at a nightclub, sniffed thinner, took drugs, and did whatever I wanted to do. I dated a gangster, unbeknownst to me, and married him, but got divorced a year later. I remarried at the age of 24. After that marriage, my husband was sent to jail for bodily injury.
After he was arrested, I found out for the first time that he was a gangster. I bore my first son alone, and began raising him alone. My husband was released when our son, named Yuki, was four months old. While raising our son, we continued to take drugs. When I was pregnant the second time, we talked whether or not to have an abortion, and decided to have the baby. I made up my mind to quit drugs. During that time, my husband got involved in a car accident, and was arrested when he tested positive as a result of urine test. He was in prison for two years. I bore the second son, named Koki, alone again. The younger son suffered from atrophy and the oldest one was hospitalized six times due to asthma. After my husband left prison, all we did was fight, and I suffered his violence and verbal abuse. He tried to kill me and the children by spreading kerosene in the bedroom. I was so scared that I took my kids to a nearby house. We were taken to a shelter for those who suffered domestic violence. After one month, we began living in the female-parent dormitory in Mie prefecture.
Touched by God through Praises
While living in the female-parent dormitory, I kept on scolding my children. The master of the dormitory told me that I got mad at them too much. Ms. R., whom I met and who befriended me in this dormitory, drifted away from me. During that time, Ms. Y came in to live next room. She had faith in God. I was curious about her because she was joyful despite difficult circumstances.
One day Ms Y gave me a CD. It contained music with lyrics saying something like Jesus, blood, love, etc. It was the first of its kind I ever heard. However, as I was listening to it, I found myself changed. I got less angry and less violent against my children. I also listened to another CD given me by the church, and couldn’t stop crying to my surprise. Listening to praise music warmed my heart. I was invited to come to the church. I agreed to go since I wanted to hear praise songs. As I listened to praise music in the church, tears started to stream down my face. I was touched by God through it, I believed in Jesus, and I was saved by Him.
Jesus was hanged on the cross to forgive all my sins, and I will be able to go to heaven even when I die. I appreciate God who brought a person like me to Yokkaichi Zion Church. I thank God for His miracle, not having my son Koki hospitalized even once due to atrophy and asthma. Above all, I sincerely appreciate Jesus who enabled me and my children to become members of God’s family.
Written by Yukiko Nakajima (Resident in Yokkaichi-city, Mie-prefecture)
The Bible says, “Give thanks in every circumstance.”
First of all, let’s start giving thanks for the problems and difficulties of your marital or parent-child relationships.
Even if you don’t feel like doing it, please give thanks.
The testimony above describes a person who was joyful in a difficult circumstance, and she was joyful because she was giving thanks in spite of that circumstance.
Giving thanks for problems and difficulties is the first step and a foundation for you to see them resolved.
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”(Bible)
When you begin giving thanks, you will surely start to see a way out.
This way out is not only to have a problem resolved, but to bring you blessings and hope and joy.
God is Love.